Oh shit! She's watching me! Yep, smart cookie our Miche. What a co-inkydink! Right smackbang on lunch-time. What do I do? I'm not replying, no way. Even though I was eating soup. Nice healthy pumpkin soup. Homemade by yours truly. I could tell her that.... but I couldn't tell her about the massive seedy BD roll layered in butter on the plate next to it.... could I? But she'd banish me foe shizz.... BUSTED!!!!
But there's more. It's not always sunny in Durbs land and although I try my hardest to be uplifting and positive, sometimes things just suck and I'm hating big time on the world... So I guess it's time to be completely straight with you all.
It begins with this:
It's been two weeks since my last weigh in.
Gaaassssspppp! SAC-RILL-EGE! I know! Shit! But the scales haven't moved. Again! And for some crazy stupid reason, I cannot bring myself to type this into my stats page. Boy do I feel like a figgin loser. What the heck happened to me? Soz guys - I mean I am supposed to be the 'inspirational blogger', the friend with the success story. I have been people's motivation... and now, well now I'm a sorry loser that can't stick to her word...or her goals!
I flipped out guys. I totally flipped out. BUT WAIT - before I go on, I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me. I don't want to hear an excuse offering. Do NOT be my enabler. I am very good at seeing beyond this and so back to my flip out.....
I didn't want to be told what I had to eat. I didn't want to feel like I 'had' to fit that gym session in, I didn't want to know that the chocolate bar that was entering my mouth was approx. 248 calories. I just didn't want to do anything. I wanted to deny and rebel. EF. EM. EL! I wanted to go out for dinner with my boyfriend - on a whim like we used to - like when we didn't plan our meals each week and we'd enjoy really nice wine and be totally relaxed and not think about all those calories or about how much exercise I'd have to do to burn it off. I wanted to talk about something other than my running and how many kilometres I'd have to do this week to beat last week's effort and OH EM GEE!!! Shut up! Shut Up!
SHHHUUUTTT UPPPP!!!!!
Total. Flipout.
So I didn't. I didn't do my 12WBT shop this week. I didn't do my big 'Sunday Adventure Run'. I didn't weigh in. And you know what. The world didn't come to an end. But you know what else? It wasn't any awesomer either. I got totally drunk on Saturday night - it was fun, but then I felt totes crappola on Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. And now, well now, I want back in. Because, all of those things that I didn't want last week, I didn't really not want them. Make sense???? Perhaps it was just my inner 16yo coming back to haunt myself for all the damage I did to my parents back in the day. Because now I like exercise. I remember now that I don't like feeling like crap. Duh, go figure hey. But I don't, really don't, so what the hell was I whinging about? This time I am back on the horse. This time- for reals.
And then this happened.
No, this is not a photo of my totally awesome new shoes... (well it is, but there's also another purpose to this shot). It's a photo of my Big Fat Kankle (BFK). Seriously? Like WTF? 500m into my 'return to regime' run and I roll my ankle. Not on anything, just decided to roll out. Great. God got me. Out to teach me a lesson. I cry. Five days before Run Melbourne. Five days before the day that I have been preparing for over the last 3 months. ARE YOU FROM SERIA????? I don't deserve this do I????
So since this incident all I have really wanted to do is go for a run. I've seen other runners this week and I can't help but want to be out there with them, doing some last chance training before Sunday.
I said to my mum the other day... "this must be what Olympians feel like" and she was like "Emma, they're totally different" and I was like "No! It's exactly the same!" SO I am going to run on Sunday, I've got my little survival pack to get me through....
So there we go guys. It's really hard for me too, keeping on track really does require hard work and dedication. I just think that my body and mind have been through so much lately. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to just friggin do it! Best of luck to everyone running on Sunday. See you there!!
So since this incident all I have really wanted to do is go for a run. I've seen other runners this week and I can't help but want to be out there with them, doing some last chance training before Sunday.
I said to my mum the other day... "this must be what Olympians feel like" and she was like "Emma, they're totally different" and I was like "No! It's exactly the same!" SO I am going to run on Sunday, I've got my little survival pack to get me through....
So there we go guys. It's really hard for me too, keeping on track really does require hard work and dedication. I just think that my body and mind have been through so much lately. I'm not going to beat myself up about it. I'm going to just friggin do it! Best of luck to everyone running on Sunday. See you there!!
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